In the middle of the night, I woke up from a nightmare. I dreamed of a paraglider that landed in the middle of Kibbutz Be'eri's Passover party on the grassy area; riding it was a terrorist who came to kidnap, rape, and murder us.
I woke up in panic, and then couldn't fall back asleep, so I sunk into my thoughts. I remembered my conversation with the psychologist before October 7, when I told her that I was afraid of terrorist infiltration, that it was my biggest nightmare.
In response, she tried to allay my fear with explanations about how there was a lot of defensive measures taken to protect my kibbutz. Later, I was advised by professionals to take medication, Cipralex, in order to stop being anxious.
Sometime later, the worst nightmare became a reality, with a massive terrorist infiltration. In those moments in the shelter, being in shock while hiding, I wasn't afraid for a moment. My fear for myself was silenced. I only felt immense worry for my parents.
After the rescue, after being attacked by three terrorists and seeing countless bodies and body parts, I sat outside the gate of the kibbutz on the ground and waited for my parents. I waited four hours. I thought that despite seeing the picture of my dad being kidnapped, we live in the strong state of Israel, which would support us and not let this go on for more than a few days and nights.
After four hours, a terrorist also arrived at us. It was then that I realized I needed to go wait in a safer place for my parents. It was the hardest decision I've made in my life. To this day, I haven't seen my dad again. It's been half a year now.
I told about the greatest anxiety I had in the past. But now there is a new great anxiety – a terrible fear of everything: I'm afraid I won't be able to rescue my dad alive, that because of the time passing, I'll miss this opportunity. I'm afraid the last memory I'll have of him is that terrible picture of him in his underwear, scared and being led by terrorists to Gaza. Half a year has passed since that picture, 180 days, I write the number but I can't believe it. They need to be brought home, now, both the living and the murdered, so that they get their proper burial in Israel. I'm screaming here, please do everything and end their suffering.
The testimonies are screaming: "Rescue them now." Today I was in the Knesset again, this time with the families of the captives at a discussion in the Committee for the Advancement of Women's Status. My heart is with the daughters and their families. I completely understand what they are experiencing because my mother was also in captivity and luckily has already returned. It's important for me to remind everyone and make sure the captives aren't forgotten, that my father isn't forgotten.
Ella's parents were kidnapped on Oct. 7. Her mother has since been released in a hostage deal.
