So US President Donald Trump is backing Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. Since the sun came up this morning, I haven't encountered a more surprising piece of news. Our very own inseparable comedy duo is back for another tango, this time an election tango.
Perhaps in a week's time, Trump will be caught on a hot mic saying "Fuck Netanyahu," or call him "crazy and destructive" behind closed doors. But today, he's telling us to vote for Bibi, or else. Heaven forbid! Either Bibi wins, or Trump goes back to playing golf in Florida and forgets all about Iran.
There's always a threat with Trump: Do as I say, or face the consequences. All right, Donald, we've heard it before. A president who barks doesn't bite. And a president who posts on social media? He bites even less.
Worried that Trump is interfering in Israel's elections? Don't be ridiculous. Trump treats us exactly as he treats every other country on Earth, convinced that each is either an American colony, an American vassal state or simply a sovereign nation that America can run however it pleases, because it's America and he is Trump. Interfering in Israel's elections? Trump didn't even give it a second thought before doing it.
A short-lived affair
It's worth remembering that Trump will be leaving the White House in two years. In other words, his promise, his affection and this delightful little social media post all come with a shelf life of just two years. Even if Netanyahu is convinced that he and Trump will live and rule forever, it's worth pointing out that this touching little love affair, and it really is touching, there's simply no other way to put it, is due to end in two years.
And then what? Perhaps a Democratic president and the complete collapse of relations with America. But as long as Bibi and Trump are at the wheel for at least another two years, everything is just fantastic. After them, the deluge. And when that deluge comes, Bibi will surely spread his protective umbrella over us, just as he did on Oct. 7, 2023, and in the years leading up to it.
Trump says that now, with Netanyahu at his side and nobody else, he'll deal with Iran. Of course he will. Unlike the previous 648 times he promised to deal with Iran, wipe out Persian civilization, bomb the country back to the Stone Age and another half-million things besides, this time he'll keep his word.
Yes, this time, of all times, he'll deliver, because he's made Netanyahu an election promise. And that promise, naturally, is entirely different from all the promises he's made to world leaders, from the podium of the UN and into every open microphone on the planet. There you have it. This one post proves that we absolutely must vote Netanyahu now, because Trump is committed, really, truly committed, to eliminating Iran's nuclear program.
No, Trump doesn't have a credibility problem. Everything's fine. Every word he says is set in stone, and like every other promise he's ever made, this one is absolutely guaranteed to be fulfilled. So there's nothing to worry about. Vote Likud.
The nuclear threat is still here
What an exciting evening for Netanyahu. Naturally, he posted on social media too, declaring that the challenge is to confront the Iranian threat and that anyone who doesn't vote for Likud will get both Palestine and a nuclear Iran. Wow. We had no idea. We hadn't noticed. Somehow, it escaped our attention that you've been talking about Iran's nuclear program practically since the moment you emerged from your mother's womb.
But here's the thing: Iran's nuclear program is still here. And here's the thing: The Iranian regime is still here. And here's the thing: Hamas is still here. And here's the thing: Hezbollah is still here. And here's the thing: The Houthis are still here. And here's the thing: Judea and Samaria, the West Bank, are still full of terrorists.
And here's the thing: Turkey is building up its military at a deeply troubling pace, eyeing the Middle East and contemplating Ottoman-style moves to resurrect its empire. And here's the thing: Egypt is building a monstrous army practically on our doorstep, a stone's throw from our border.
Everything is just fine. Trump promised he'll deal with Iran. We can all sleep soundly. Vote Likud. Nothing to worry about.
Vote Netanyahu, get Trump. Or rather, give Trump what he wants, get Netanyahu. Or maybe open an account on Trump's social media platform, Truth Social, and get Netanyahu. Or perhaps don't vote for former IDF Chief of Staff Gadi Eisenkot, and you'll get Trump and the destruction of Iran. Or maybe destroy Iran first, then vote Netanyahu. Or perhaps get Trump, and then Iran will be destroyed.
OK, we get the point. Trump plus Netanyahu equals the destruction of Iran. Got it. Trump plus Netanyahu equals two years of prosperity and success for Israel. Got it. Vote Likud. We understand. Vote Likud.
All right, Donald. We'll do it because you said so. All right, Donald Trump. Because this time, unlike every other time, you intend not only to make a promise but actually to keep it.
Just like Bibi. The two of you are renowned for your exceptional trustworthiness and your unwavering determination to honor every promise you've ever made, including the ones you've forgotten making and the ones you never intended to keep in the first place.
Don't be monkeys. Vote Bibi. Trump said so.
