I am a nonobservant Jew who cares about Jewish tradition. I am Jewish first, Israeli second, just as I put it in an interview with a public radio station some years ago. After contemplating a family celebration and the public aspects of such an event, I have decided to share a little bit about this event, which took place just a few days ago, with my readers.
Our grandson Adam has reached bar mitzvah age. His parents, my son and daughter-in-law, decided that my niece Ada, who serves as the rabbi of Jerusalem's Reform Harel Synagogue, would perform the bar mitzvah ceremony at the foot of what is known as the "egalitarian" prayer area of the Western Wall, which is the continuation of the traditional Western Wall.
Ahead of the ceremony, we convened at the plaza that until recently was a center of protest by the Women of the Wall, who demanded that women be allowed to pray as a group and read from a Torah scroll in the women's section. This was met with vociferous and at times violent resistance, but a compromise was reached that set aside a special area where the Women of the Wall can pray according to their tradition, and where men and women can pray together. And so it was that day: Rabbi Ada Zavidov stood wrapped in a tallit, the Jewish prayer shawl, and handed out copies of the traditional prayers that are recited on the occasion of a boy celebrating his bar mitzvah.
Rabbi Ada conducted the ceremony with warmth and grace as we stood wrapped in tallitot, reciting the prayers, singing the songs, the Torah passing from one lap to the next all the while. Every single one of us touched the Torah and kissed the holy parchment. We prayed for the safety of all those who protect us and called on God to grant wisdom to our leaders and their advisers.
The women were full participants in what transpired. The boy's mother and grandmother were not forced, in the spirit of tradition, to climb over the wobbling plastic chairs in an attempt to look over a tall divider and get a peek at the man of the hour.
Now, which of these two traditions do you believe is more correct, more familial and, dare I say, more Jewish? Is my niece, my sister's daughter, any less of a Jew? At the egalitarian prayer area, the women stood alongside the bar mitzvah boy. There was no physical or emotional barrier between the men and the women. Who makes these laws that determine separation is a pure Jewish act?
The event concluded with the singing of "Hatikvah," Israel's national anthem. Later, as is the custom, we threw candies at the bar mitzvah boy. I do not claim to make or interpret the religious laws. But in our home, we have always had an old photograph of men and women praying alongside one another at the Western Wall. In the picture, taken so long ago, there is no sign of a divider separating the sexes.
And so I ask: Were all those who attended a relative's religious ceremony desecrating the holy site? Or were they simply not Jewish at all? What is clear is that we cannot change the prayer arrangements at the Western Wall Plaza. The integrity of the coalition has precedence over all other considerations, even humane and familial ones. The solution lies in the egalitarian prayer area: Here, we are together, on weekdays and on holidays, in mourning and in celebration.
