COMMENTARY – Divorce is not a sad occasion but a happy one. When a client of ours at Mavoi Satum – a non-governmental organization that advocates for women's freedom from divorce proceedings abuse – receives her divorce papers, it means she has been released from the shackles of a marriage that no longer had any love or partnership.
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Last week, we celebrated when Hannah (pseudonym) received her get (religious divorce papers.) She and her husband had not lived together for a year and a half. He spends most of his time abroad.
Every time Hannah asked her husband for a divorce, he would dodge her requests and procrastinate. Afraid to file for divorce alone – lest her husband refuses to come to Israel and not show at the rabbinical court at all – Hannah had to wait.
A few weeks ago, he finally arrived in Israel for a visit, and Hannah quickly filed for divorce as well as a stay of exit order against her husband lest he tries to flee the country.
The court understood the risks and issued the order, giving a long-awaited boost to the divorce proceedings. Once Hannah's husband realized that he would not be able to leave Israel unless he gave her a get, he agreed to set her free – especially because he wanted to travel to Uman for the annual pilgrimage of Rabbi Nachman of Breslov.
The month leading up to Rosh Hashanah is truly a special one, for a lot of women receive their divorce papers then. The rabbinical court gathers the most righteous of divorce refusers who wish to celebrate the holiday at the gravesite and all of a sudden are willing to release their wives. As long as they are allowed to leave Israel and travel to Ukraine.
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At Mavoi Satum, we rejoice when a client receives her get, but we cannot help notice the absurdity of the situation. For, rabbinical courts treat the husband's desire not to divorce very seriously. God forbid the divorce should be fake, they say,, then it would be invalid, and the couple would still be considered married.
But lo and behold – Rosh Hashanah comes around and the husband's desire not to divorce does not matter as much anymore. Would the case be the same if no stay of exit order was issued against the husband in the first place?
In that case, he would most likely continue to claim how much he did not want to divorce. And yet, when his "sacred" desire to stay married was challenged against his wish to travel to Uman for Rosh Hashanah, he was willing to forego it quickly.
It makes one wonder, is there any justification to the Rabbinate's caution when it comes to claims made by get refusers? Time has come to base divorce proceedings on the state of the couple's relationship rather than claims by the husband of not wanting to divorce.
Maor Albeck is a project manager at Mavoi Satum, an NGO advocating for women's freedom from divorce proceedings abuse.
