My land – how much sadness courses through my veins in these times. Like a nightmare of a land fleeing from itself. My prayers have become more intense, mainly the prayer that the deep schisms of the nation of Israel, a nation that I love and appreciate so dearly, will be healed. Especially in the last two years, around my bedside, I felt the nation's power – one of unity, great truth, and a shared future.
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I am not the story here, but through me, I see how strong we are when we reach out to those around us who need it. People from all over Israel have made a pilgrimage to the Sheba Tel-HaShomer Medical Centre, citizens like me and different from me, just to ask how I am doing and to pray for me. People of all ages, layers of society, and affiliations went outdoors, held demonstrations, and cried out in order to be a part of my cry. How colorful we are in our opinions and our ability as a nation to bring change, lead, and be victorious. And the hope that we have one land gives us a sturdy anchor, despite the disagreements.
The value of life, which I understand today more than ever, makes it difficult to accept the chaos that has ensued here. If I could only lend everyone my worldview or that of everyone who has been weighed on the scale between life and death – I am pretty sure that we would not have found ourselves in such extreme situations that are so imprecise for us.
I am not naïve. I know we are a nation that excels at coming together in times of need, but the current climate is very worrisome. The rift in our nation affects us all and significantly weakens us. To call for unity sounds like a slogan devoid of content.
I have been learning "cognitive thinking" for a while now, and one of the things Yemima Avital taught is that the main thing we need to correct in our lives is our arrogance. Yemima also teaches me that my essence is giving precisely for the recipient's benefit. I understand this statement contains the entire concept of "you shall love your fellow as yourself." "Your neighbor," this is giving. The connection between people will always be at the top of the triangle, where we are all part of the soul of Israel. The whole verse reads, "You shall not take revenge and you shall not bear a grudge against the members of your people; you shall love your fellow as yourself, I am Hashem."
My precise giving for the recipient's benefit will always come from my reserves, not from lack. Only when I am full can I give to others from my reserves. Any giving from a place of lack will not be precise and will develop in me or the recipient a dependence instead of independence because I will expect to receive something in return, or the recipient will expect to receive more and more and will be dependent on my giving.
These days make Yemima's statement stronger within me. I am confused and not very willing to speak in the language of one side or another, and this is not important to me in times of crisis. In times of crisis, it's the opposite – there is unity, compassion, patience, baseless love, the sanctity of life, and feeling towards my existence and others'. You shall love your fellow as yourself.
I feel great sadness these days, and I do not know why. Even understanding the root of my sadness is bigger than me.
I feel as if we lost as a nation; we lost even before the war began. Because of this feeling, I cannot sit idly by and do nothing, so, like a combat soldier, I gather all the abilities, friends, acquaintances, and resources at my disposal, and return to fight for my country, this time in a different manner – in a war for the right to give, receive, to be myself, to be yourself! To be worthy of all this goodness, while holding each other's firm hands. To show compassion and mercy and love, doing so quietly.
With honor, happiness, and emotion, I fight to stay calm and to love even when fleeing from my essence. I fight to accept everyone for who they are and look upon them with kind eyes.
We have been born to carry out a mission. Everyone, according to their talents, was chosen to do something tailored for them and for us and to discover our mission, we need to learn and go on a journey. I wish everyone in Israel to embark on their journey deep into themselves and break out with strength and humility, with the understanding that together, we are one, and alone we are worth nothing.
These times show everything is working the other way around; we see outwards, and with extreme judgment – the flaws, barriers, and shortcomings in others – and we reveal that through others, we see all these in ourselves.
I believe in our nation, I believe in our land, and I believe most in people whose essence is being human beings.
With love, pain, and much hope.
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